


Not the Endgame, but the Beginning

by WinterHobbit



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Character Death Fix, F/M, Fix-It, Natasha Romanov deserved better, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-09 20:33:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19483492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterHobbit/pseuds/WinterHobbit
Summary: Wherein Natasha comes back and Steve doesn’t abandon his good friend Bucky after all that’s gone on in the movies. All else is negotiable.





	1. Planning

**Author's Note:**

> Note: I was going to simply ignore both Infinity War and Endgame, but Endgame was so egregious it had to be answered. I have only subjected myself to the movie once, so I will no doubt be making errors. Sorry.
> 
> Thanks to WanderingHobbit2941 and CourageousPineapple for beta reading! You made it better.

Nebula looked around the room after telling the group about Vormir; while she could say Thanos murdered her sister there, something kept her from mentioning why. She hated herself for it, but she couldn’t say more because that might unleash a torrent of emotion. She frowned; these Avengers had fought together as companions for years, enjoying something she had never had. Maybe they already knew that the price was a soul for a soul, and they were being calm about it, but somehow she doubted it. For one thing, she felt this Captain America would have kicked up a fuss. Would volunteering the information make her look weak or stupid? She didn’t want that; her father didn’t tolerate fools. Perhaps she should hint that she had further information so that they would see she was still useful to them.

Later, she watched them decide who would be assigned to retrieve which stones, and she studied the two who were casually given the task of retrieving the Soul Stone. Were they friends or lovers? If they were just friends, they would fail at their task because retrieving the Soul Stone demanded the sacrifice of a loved one. They had to retrieve all the stones for even a chance at success. Did anyone here love another enough to get the Soul Stone?

As the Avengers dispersed, Nebula frowned further. It would be her fault. They couldn’t change the rules or what they would face, but they could at least go into the situation prepared. She shook her head, she had to tell them.

She looked at the woman who had been holding everyone together for the last five years even if some of the men were starting to take the lead again. She made her decision and nodded at Natasha to get her attention. “There’s something I need to tell you.” Natasha nodded, her mind still strategizing from their briefing. Nebula turned to Steve and Tony as they were leaving and planning their mission to New York, “You should hear it, too.” The others left, but Nebula did not stop them; the leaders would tell the others what they needed to know.

“What’s up?” Tony asked, turning to face her. “I gotta meeting in an hour.” He looked at his flashy watch even though the motion was so fast Nebula wondered if he could read the time.

“To get the Soul Stone, you must sacrifice someone you love,” Nebula said.

“What? That’s crazy-talk!” Tony said. “Who made that up?”

“Why didn’t you tell us this earlier?” Steve asked.

But Tony was on a roll, “None of the other stones have a rule like that. Do you have to give up super-awareness to get the Reality Stone? Give up a year of your life to get the Time Stone? I don’t think so.”

Steve sighed, “It does sound wild, like something out of the comic books Bucky used to read.” He paused and cocked his head slightly, “Or maybe not. Maybe they’d make the Soul Stone sentient or something.”

Natasha pursed her lips and shook her head, “You’re both being stupid. That’s the rule; it is what it is.” She turned to Nebula, “How do we get around it?”

Nebula frowned, “You don’t.”

“But Thanos got the Soul Stone,” Tony said.

“He lost Gamora,” Nebula said quietly.

Tony made a raspberry, “Like he noticed.”

“He did,” Nebula said, avoiding their gaze, “He loved her.” But he hadn’t loved Nebula, and Nebula had spent much of her life hating Gamora for it. They had made up and had become true sisters just long enough for Nebula to miss her now.

There was silence until she looked up, and she found Steve’s eyes staring at her, “Are you sure about this?” Nebula nodded. Steve stood up straighter, “We’ll sacrifice me.”

“Did you hear the Blue Meanie?” Tony asked, “We have to sacrifice someone we love. That means someone would have to give you up,” Tony said. Steve’s eyes went cold, and the room went silent. 

“I love you as a friend,” Natasha told Steve quietly, but everyone knew that wasn’t enough. They all knew that anyone who truly loved the Man out of Time was dead. He had kissed Sharon Carter, but nothing had come of it, and Sharon was one of the Vanished. Still, even in this moment, Natasha was reminding Steve he did have friends.

“We could sacrifice me,” Natasha said even more quietly. “Clint could do it.”

“No,” Steve said, “We don’t trade a life for a life.”

“It’s perfect,” Natasha said in a dead voice, “I won’t tell him he has to do it until we’re on Vormir; he won’t go if he knows.” Natasha turned to Nebula, all business-like, “Can it be just anyone you love? We’re sunk if it has to be the one you love most.”

“We’re not doing it, Nat,” Steve said.

“I’ve actually heard it both ways,” Nebula told them. Would anyone fight for her life like this Captain America was for this woman?

“We’re not going through with this until we have another way,” Steve said. 

“Steve, it’s half the universe or me,” Natasha said.

Silence settled on the group while Steve and Natasha engaged in a silent battle of wills.

Tony was the first to break it, especially since he did not want the discussion to turn to who he could lose. He shook his head and threw up his hands, “There’s gotta be a way.”

“If there had been another way, my father would have taken it,” Nebula said. He loved Gamora, not her, and he would have saved her if he could have.

Tony shrugged, “Maybe he just didn’t find it?”

“And you can?” Nebula asked.

“Gimme a little time,” Tony said, fingers starting to jingle.

Steve looked quietly hopeful, “Do you have an idea?”

“Not a clue,” Tony said, fingers jingling more. “Who’s that smart lady in Wakanda, and why does no one mention her anymore?”

“Shuri, we lost her in the Decimation,” Steve said, his eyes sad; she was a passionate, cheerful soul who’d helped Bucky.

“That’s darn inconvenient.” Tony was at the door, and he called out down the hall, “Yo! Banner? With me, we’ve got some work to do.” Tony waited at the door until Bruce caught up with him, and made to leave, but Tony paused, and Bruce almost bumped into him. Tony turned, and told the others, “I still think we should keep this little info-bomb to ourselves until we’ve decided what to do.”

“What info-bomb?” Bruce asked, not having been in the meeting. 

“The others do have a right to know!” Steve said.

“We may need them not to,” Natasha murmured.


	2. The Stones are Returned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Natasha comes back and Steve doesn’t abandon his good friend Bucky after all that’s gone on in the movies. All else is negotiable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to WanderingHobbit2941 and CourageousPineapple for great comments and beta reading! You made it better.

They did it; they saved half the universe, but at a high cost. Clint and Natasha went to Vormir to get the Soul Stone, and only a broken Clint came back. Tony died after making the final Snap. All that was left was to return the stones.

At the mobile lab on the lake where the headquarters used to be, Bucky, Sam, Bruce, and the others waited to see Steve off before he returned all the stones and Mjølnir. Odd that the blond man was going to do it all by himself when it had taken many people to acquire them in the first place. Clint stood off to one side, a statue of misery.

Steve stood in front of Bucky, whose face was grim. “Don't do anything stupid 'till I get back,” Steve said.

Bucky dutifully gave his response, “How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.” They hugged.

“I’m gonna miss you, buddy,” Bucky told him, his eyes large and sad.

“It’s gonna be alright, Buck,” Steve said. Bucky doubted it but said nothing, clamping down hard on his feelings as Steve walked to the Quantum portal and put on his Quantum suit.

“How long is this gonna take?” Sam asked.

“For him? As long as he needs. For us? Five seconds,” Bruce said, sending him back through time.

Bucky’s face was a depressed mask while emotions whirled within him.

In the distance, Clint watched without emotion. He hadn’t been able to keep Natasha alive when she needed him. How was he going to tell Laura and Lila that he had let her slip through his fingers? How could he have allowed it to happen?

“And returning in, five, four, three, two, one…” Bruce said

But there was nothing, and Sam and Bruce panicked. Why wasn’t he here? What did they do wrong? What could they do now? Was there another button to push? Bucky started walking away, not able to watch and needing to distance himself from it. Clint sighed deeply but didn’t move.

“Get him back,” Sam said.

“I’m trying!” Bruce said.

And then Steve came back, “Wow, I didn’t think this thing was going to work.” 

“Don’t do that! You nearly gave us heart failure!” Sam said.

Bucky was staring at Steve as if the blond man would disappear again, “You’re back.”

“What, you didn’t think I’d leave, did you?” Steve asked, frowning at his friend. “And desert you all? Don’t be silly,” Bucky didn’t answer. “Bucky….” Steve said, frowning more.

“I was afraid you’d….” Bucky couldn’t finish.

Steve frowned further, “That I’d what?” Bucky shook his head and wouldn’t say, nearly backing up again. “That I’d use the Time Stone to find Peggy in an alternate reality and stay with her for the rest of my life? Never crossed my mind.”

“I can see that,” Sam said.

“But I didn’t because I’m needed here,” Steve said. Bucky couldn’t manage to say anything, and Steve studied him for a bit, “Don’t be stupid, after all that’s happened, I wouldn’t leave now! Who do you think I am?”

Bucky nodded, swallowing to keep emotion from flooding his face. He suddenly felt all the abandonment and aloneness he hadn’t let himself feel when he thought Steve was leaving, and he fought to keep from feeling overwhelmed.

“You and I are going to have a talk,” Steve told Bucky. Then he noticed Clint standing dejectedly to one side. “Everyone’s miserable; I think it’s time to cheer some people up.”

Bruce nodded, but Sam looked puzzled “And just how are you going to do that?”

“Shall we go inside?” Steve asked. He was a little excited but was trying to hide it. Everyone followed him but Clint, who simply sighed as he tried to make his feet move. Steve stopped, “Are you coming in?”

Clint nodded, but what he said was, “I can’t. I have to tell Laura….” he held up his hands and shook his head, “I don’t know what I’m going to tell her.” His voice was close to breaking.

“About Nat?” Steve asked softly, and Clint just looked at his feet. “Come inside.”

“It won’t change anything,” Clint said.

“I think it might,” Steve said. “Come on.” Clint rubbed his temple.

Bruce smiled in sympathy, “Why don’t you tell him now?”

“I was waiting for her,” Steve said.

“Waiting for who?” Clint asked, not that he cared.

Steve took a deep breath, “I have to apologize for something.” Steve studied Clint, Sam, and Bucky, and he let out a breath, “We knew more about Vormir than we let on.”


	3. Explanation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to WanderingHobbit2941 and CourageousPineapple for great comments and beta reading!

Clint went from lethargic to barely keeping himself from decking the bigger man, “You knew about Vormir and you let her go there? How could you?”

Steve smiled sadly, “She never went there."

Clint relaxed in shock, and everyone else gasped. 

Bruce took up the story, “Tony and me worked with the people of Wakanda to come up with a Life Model Decoy, an android.”

“Why couldn’t you tell us?” Clint asked. “Do you know how hard it was to find out on Vormir that one of us had to die? And to watch her…..” he couldn’t finish.

Steve continued, “We couldn’t tell you because the keeper of the Soul Stone had to believe you were giving up someone you loved, and the only way to do that was for you to truly believe that you were.”

“Oh, thanks,” Clint said.

Steve nodded, accepting the blame, “We weren’t fair to you.”

Bruce shook his head, “There wasn’t another way.”

Sam crossed his arms, “And why couldn’t you tell me?”

Steve looked down, guilty. Bruce shrugged and made himself small, “Sorry, but the fewer who knew, the more likely it would work.”

“Whatever,” Clint said, raising his hands, “You say she didn’t go to Vormir, but she’s not here.”

Steve smiled and gestured with his head, “Go inside.”

Clint stared at him a moment, and Bucky’s eyes also widened. Then Clint ran. “Clint, the other tent,” Steve called out after him.

Clint found Natasha in a substantial tent sipping tea with Maria Hill with her crossed legs resting on a desk. Natasha saw him and they hugged each other hard before stepping back and staring at each other. “You’re alive!” he said, beginning to cry. “I don’t understand how…”

“It took you guys long enough!” Nat said, pretending to be gruff to keep from crying herself, “How long does it take to return the stones?”

The others came in, all crowding around eagerly, except for Bucky who stayed just outside the open door, and Nebula, who watched from a further distance. “How?” Clint said, wiping away a tear and still staring at Natasha. 

“It was Tony’s idea,” Bruce said with a sad smile and a pang in his heart. “He’d already been working on Life Model Decoys because he thought they’d be useful in dangerous situations, but they’re androids, and we were worried because the requirement was for a soul, so we contacted Wakanda. Shuri wasn’t there of course, but they have plenty of other smart people, and the fate of half the universe was in the balance, so they helped us create what we hoped was an android with enough of a consciousness that it would satisfy the requirements.”

Natasha frowned, “Which still bothers me, but they tell me they talked with my LMD and told her if she went to Vormir she’d be saving half the universe and live in a Soul World, which, rumor has it, isn’t half bad.”

“I heard it was idyllic,” Bruce said.

“Which sounds a stretch to me,” Natasha continued. “Anyway, they showed her Gamora’s file because we know she’s there, and Steve said she thought she and Gamora could be friends.”

Steve nodded, “She did.”

“Have you been here the whole time then?” Clint asked.

Natasha nodded, “I stayed out of sight at headquarters and barely got out just like everyone else when Thanos blasted it, and then I joined the battle but stayed far away from you guys. We didn’t want to confuse the issue by letting you know of the switch until after the Soul Stone was returned.”

Clint nodded sadly, “You missed Tony’s funeral.”

Natasha sighed, “I watched from the trees.” She nodded, “It was a beautiful ceremony.”

Bruce couldn’t stand it any longer and gave Natasha a bear hug, “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too,” she said. But they did not kiss, for that time had passed.

If Bruce was going to, Steve was going to. He hugged her (but not a bear hug) and said, “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me, too.” 

Sam shook his head, marveling at Natasha and giving her a hug, “You are one lucky person.”

“Yeah,” Natasha said sadly, “Not everyone made it out alive.” There was a moment as everyone remembered Tony, who died saving the universe. They’d had time to be able to come up with a plan to save Natasha, but time had run out for Tony. Natasha turned to Clint, “So Laura and the kids are back? I can’t wait to see them.”

Clint smiled, “I can’t wait to tell them.”

“I think this demands a celebration,” Maria said, getting up. “Sam, let’s rustle up some grub.”

“An excellent idea,” Sam said. They both went out, but Maria gave Natasha a significant look before she left.

“Clint, Steve, Bruce, are you coming?” Maria called out as she strode to the commissary.

“No way,” Clint said, “I’m talking to Nat here.”

Natasha smiled at Clint, “Go call your wife.”

He nodded, “I’ll be back,” and left with almost everyone else, even a somber Nebula. Everyone left except for Bucky, who stood almost in the shadows.


	4. Trial Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos! And thanks to my beta readers, WanderingHobbit2941 and CourageousPineapple.

Natasha smiled at the ex-assassin lurking when others had left, “So, after five years you just appear, and now you’re standing in my doorway.” He shrugged. Those five years had been grim; half her Avengers family had disappeared in the Snap, and of those that remained, half again had scattered as they tried to deal with their pain. Natasha had thrown herself into her leader role and kept together those she could, but she could never fill the aching hole left by the Decimation. She studied the man before her, who had been one of the Vanished; she’d watched him disappear into dust, and she could still remember the horror of it. She shouldn’t mention it, because he had so much of his own baggage to deal with. “When we were in Wakanda, I watched you disappear in the Snap; I was behind you, but I could still see you,” Natasha said. She must be completely rattled to lose her self-control like this.

“Oh? I was too busy watching my hand disappear,” Bucky said. Natasha nodded, but she knew he’d called out for Steve, which was only right. He stared at the hand that had once disappeared. ”It was odd.” She wondered if he could even describe how he really felt.

Natasha had always wondered if he remembered her, and when he vanished for five long years, she knew she would never learn the answer. Here was her chance, but she shouldn’t ask him about that yet. “I never asked you if you remembered me,” Natasha said. Well, maybe it didn’t hurt to ask.

“From Berlin?” Bucky asked.

“No, earlier.”

Bucky frowned, “You mean Russia.” She nodded. He looked away, “I don’t like to talk about it.” Natasha tried very hard not to let her shoulders slump; he didn’t remember her. Well, the Red Room had been a wretched place, anyway. Bucky continued looking away, “But there were these little girls that I taught to fight and kill and….” he frowned at his boots. “They’re scuffed.” Natasha looked at his boots; after all that had happened, they were fine. “I can’t believe my boots are scuffed!” He spoke with more feeling about the boots than about teaching little girls to kill.

“That’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it.” She should not have asked. 

“There was this girl who stood out from the rest,” Bucky said, eyes anywhere but on her. “She was the best fighter in the bunch.” Natasha smiled as he ground the toe of his boot into the floor, “She looked at me and… Others were scared, or they saw me as the Asset, but this girl, yeah.” He stopped grinding his boot and tapped his leg instead, “And I swore I’d never forget her… and I forgot all about her.” He studied the floor.

“It’s okay.” He remembered her now, and that was the best she could hope for, but she wondered how much he recalled.

“And then I tried to kill her. Several times.” He looked away, and Natasha remembered running away from him feeling like she would bleed to death, and she pictured tires blowing out and felt her car flying over a cliff, him shooting her, and her thinking she was going to bleed to death, and…

Natasha stopped herself from dwelling on the past. They had won back half the universe; did that take out the red in her ledger? Could she think about what she wanted in life beyond the Avengers? Did she deserve a life beyond the Avengers? What did she want in life anyway? She found herself looking steadily at the former Winter Soldier. She was trained to be a Black Widow, to look for weaknesses and exploit them for informational gain; was it wise to want this semi-stable man? He couldn’t even meet her eyes. “I’ve been thinking about many things in the last five years.” She remembered thinking she had lost all her chances.

“Really? Well, I haven’t. I lost time again.” He was finally able to meet her eyes, but that was too much, and he looked down again.

She made her decision. “Shut up, I’m working up to something,” she told him, and he looked up at that. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and I want to try something. Just don’t hit me.” She walked up to him with a determined look and he grew tense but tried not to back up; he was only partially successful. Then she put her arms around him and kissed him on the lips. He stared at her in shock. “It wasn’t that bad, was it?” she asked. She could feel anger growing inside her as she steeled herself for rejection. He gaped a moment longer and then kissed her back. They gazed at each other, suddenly alive and hungry for more but not sure how to respond. Should she push him? Should she not? He looked like he wanted more and she certainly did.

“Grub’s on!” Sam called out from the commissary as they searched each other’s eyes, “Time to par-tay.” She didn’t want to stop now! But they had to stop now to avoid drawing unwanted attention.

The ex-assassins walked out, reaching for each other and then snatching their hands back as if on fire. They kept their hands firmly down when they entered public space and stood slightly apart for good measure, but not too far apart. The two found the others in the commissary standing over food tins and warmed-up rations. Steve looked up, studying Bucky’s face and body language, “Bucky, you okay?”

Natasha studied her companion; was he? James Barnes froze, well aware that people were looking at him. The Black Widow saw Maria grinning at both of them before coughing when she realized she’d been spotted. Bucky nodded, “I think I will be okay.” Natasha let herself smile, feeling the same.


End file.
